It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
