Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Randomize
