My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
