My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize
