if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
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He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
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Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
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