remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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