the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
