Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
