So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Randomize
