I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
My liver just had a heart attack.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
