life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
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