i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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