The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Randomize
