ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Randomize