Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
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