Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
