The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Randomize
