god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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