Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
