The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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