He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
