you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
