So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
