Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
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