this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
