she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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