perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
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I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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