i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I'm bleeding and have questions
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