You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
