You can't special order awesome
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Enjoy the penises
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
