ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Randomize
