I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
