I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
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