It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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