Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
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