I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
