im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
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