i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
