Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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