why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
