I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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