The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Randomize
