I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
