If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
