I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I have demons in me.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
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Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
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