It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
