There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
