He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize