You don't have asthma, your pregnant
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
