i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Barsexuality is the new black.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
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