it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
How naked do you want me to be?
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
