My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
