I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
