He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize