If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
