I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
