atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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