apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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