smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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