I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
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