i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
