finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
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