Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
