Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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