you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize