My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
How does it feel to date your dad?
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
