Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
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